You will have significant experiences.
I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of
them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh
your memory of these meaningful and significant things.
Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you.
Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some
may build upon another until they represent a lifetime of
special experiences.
- Gordon B Hinckley

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Question of More...

Dear Family and Friends,

There is hardly a day that goes by that I am not asked whether Zac and I will be having more children.  Sometimes the question is posed conversationally from a patient at work or occasionally from an acquaintance.  Most of our close friends don’t ask.  I think they know that for us, it isn’t a simple yes or no answer.  It is, of course, a valid question.  Most people we know are having second, and even third, children.  And our siblings are now adding children to their families (YAY!).  It seems like if there was a right time now would be it.

But for us, it isn’t as simple as timing.  For a long time, Zac and I considered ourselves to be a “one and done” sort of couple.  Having Everett the way we did scared us...A LOT!  So much so that we’ve spent the better part of the past three years being thankful that he survived and grateful for all he’s accomplished.  We lucked out with Everett and we know it.  Through our own experience and that of other friends, we know that ANY healthy baby is a miracle!  There are so many things that can go wrong along the way, so much that is totally out of our control.  Surrendering ourselves to the unknown was just something we were not prepared to do.  And that’s how we felt for a very long time.  

Then somewhere in the past year, something shifted.  Maybe it was because things in our lives have settled.  Everett is doing amazingly well and while we still have an activity/therapy every day, I am not so obsessed with catching him up to his peers.  The repercussions of his birth have settled too and we are in a really good place physically, financially, emotionally, and in our marriage.  We’ve worked very hard to find our “new normal” and I think both Zac and I feel like we aren’t reacting to life anymore...but rather are enjoying it.  We subtly found ourselves having more and more conversations about having more.   As we talked we discovered more reasons “why to” than “why not.”  Just as time heals all wounds, it also heals all fears and I think Zac and I could finally see that the risk might be worth the benefit.  Suddenly we found ourselves really, really excited at the possibility of welcoming another child into our family.  

All this being said, Zac and I are pleased to announce that we are expecting Baby Bollinger #2, due (HOPEFULLY!) February 19, 2014!  Now 14 weeks pregnant, we and our families have known of our expectant addition for some time.  However, we have been reluctant to share our news because we had a complicated miscarriage last fall.  More on that at a later date, but suffice it to say we are ever more appreciative for this pregnancy and the hope of bringing a new life into our family.  

There are so many reasons why this baby is so desired.  Our biggest motivation is that Zac and I do not want Everett to be an only child.  I think there is a bond between siblings that no one else can compare; that a sibling is the one person who understands, without explanation, where you came from.  Add to that the lessons of sharing and selflessness...we are excited for the life skills Everett will learn.  Another motivation is that we don’t want Everett’s birth to be the end of our child-bearing experience.  We desperately desire to know what it feels like to hold a newborn just minutes after birth, to hear a first cry, to breastfeed, to introduce Everett to his little brother or sister.  We desire the normalcy that so many others take for granted.    

That isn’t to say that we aren’t aware that things could end up just as they did before.  But what we didn’t know then, is that we are strong enough to handle it.  We’ve “been there, done that,” and if God desires us to do the task again, we are up for the challenge.  We have faith that we can deal with whatever blessings we are given, knowing that there is always a bigger part to the plan than the moment we are in.  But for now, we choose to bask in the opportunity of getting to love another child as much as we love Everett.  

With cautious excitement,

Zac, Sara, Everett + 1 more

P.S.  I’m sure you’re wondering if we have a plan to keep this baby “cooking.”  Don’t worry...we do.  More on that next time.

Everett's First Day of Preschool!

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully & eloquently spoken, this journal journey ...feeling blessed to follow along, praying as we go. <3