This Ones for Mama and Dada...(Everett is 21 Months Old)

Dear Family and Friends,

This Sunday will mark seven years since Zac and I walked down “the aisle” and started our lives as husband and wife.  Many of you were there and are probably shaking your heads in disbelief, thinking “That couldn’t have been SEVEN years ago?!”   But it is true…and to us it still feels like yesterday.  Our wedding was one heck of a party (I’m biased, of course, but I think fun was had by all).  We were married at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, underneath the shade of large sycamore trees in the most beautiful English garden you’ve ever seen.  It was one of the hottest days that summer and in our wedding video, Zac is stealthily wiping his brow while everyone has their heads bowed in prayer :-) The thing I remember most is the overwhelming feeling of happiness…so much so that when Pastor Vince pronounced us as husband and wife, I practically jumped into Zac’s arms.  It truly was the best day!

The thing about weddings is that they are such a hopeful event; hope for the future, hope in the existence of true love, hope in growing old with someone and sharing a lifetime of memories.  That is what I love the most about weddings…I let that emotion wash over me at every wedding I go to, and it never gets old.  But after the wedding comes married life and reality.  Putting those vows into everyday actions…that’s the hard part.  For Zac and I, the past two years have been about making good on the promises we made to each other seven years ago.  And I’d like to take this opportunity to “toot our own horn” about making it through with marriage intact :-)


The statistics for a marriage surviving a high-stress, catastrophic event (such as Everett’s first year of life) is about 25 percent.  I learned that stat in nursing school and it was constantly on my mind especially immediately after Everett was born.  Pastor Vince came to visit us the morning after Everett arrived and I can remember bursting into tears when he walked in, confessing that I was so scared of not only losing my son, but also my husband.   I knew that this could rip our marriage apart.  I knew that this could be an unrecoverable event.  So from the beginning, we took great care to take great care of each other. 

Our very first photo together

High School Graduation

“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.”  Powerful words.  Big commitment.  Zac and I started dating when we were 15 years old.  Yup, high school sweethearts.  We’ve now been together longer than we’ve been apart.  Being high school sweethearts is more of a rarity these days and people are always asking us how we’ve made it work.  I usually answer that we are a great team, what each of us lacks, the other makes up and we’ve grown in the same direction.  But getting back to those vows…respecting the vows and living up to them…that’s how we’ve really made it work.  Our journey with Everett put each one of those vows to the test and amplified their meaning by a thousand.  We worked really, really, really hard to fulfill each other’s expectations and I think we’d both say that we have succeeded. 

Senior Prom

Magic Mountain

It is easy to let your spouse see you at your best, but I will tell you that having a baby in the hospital for six months will quickly put you at your worst for days and days on end.  For me that came in the form of lots and lots of meltdowns, of crying for hours telling Zac that I just couldn’t do it anymore, that my heart was so tired of hurting.  I could swing from laughter, to tears, to yelling in 45 seconds flat…talk about living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!  Through it all, Zac allowed me to cry, he allowed me to fall apart, and never once judged me or called me weak.  In fact, he would always tell me that I was so strong and he never once blamed me (or my body) for what happened.  For Zac, the worst came in the feeling of helpless, of having no control over the situation and being powerless to make a difference.  For a man who fixes problems for a living (Zac’s a mechanic in case you didn’t know), it was hard to accept that Everett’s problems could not be fixed with his hands.  Allowing your spouse to see you at your most vulnerable is a scary thing…especially when you’re not acting always in your “right” mind.  But Zac and I learned that with this type of vulnerability came an increased intimacy…a type of intimacy that we probably wouldn’t have if not for Everett.  We’ve had conversations that most married couples never have.  We’ve faced each other at our worst and said, “I love you anyway.”  Unconditional love…the stuff of fairy tales. 

Wine Tasting in Sonoma

Weddings vows usually cite opposites.  I think this is an allusion to how husbands and wives often work to balance each other and I think that is true of most marriages.  For Zac and I, when I was falling apart, he was strong.  When he was angry, I was calm.  When one of us was the pessimist, the other became the optimist.  It was a balancing act so that neither one of us was out of control at the same time.  We always joked that one of us had to keep a clear head…it just depended on which one of us was on duty for that particular day :-)  

White Water Rafting in Oregon

The financial hardships of having a prolonged hospitalization (or chronic illness for that matter) seem unending.  Insurance does its part and the leftovers are up to you.  Add in co-pays, deductibles, out-of-pocket maximums…well, it’s enough to make you scream.  In facing those bills, you begin to realize what is really important.  I will tell you, it isn’t the clothes you wear, the cars you drive, or the house you live in.  What REALLY matters is family, togetherness, and health.  The saying in our house is it isn’t the house that makes the home; it is the people inside when you get there.  Your relationships are the things you can’t put a price on!  And those relationships are worth everything!!!

VEGAS Baby!!!

I don’t mean to sound preachy about marriage or like I’m giving advice on how to make it work, as many of you have been married a lot longer than us.  But I so much want to show the pride that I carry in my heart for the road that Zac and I have traveled together.  Seven years…gone in the blink of an eye…from two kids growing up together, making a life, learning to live…to working professionals, accomplishing our dreams, becoming proud parents, and still as much in love as the day we said “I Do.”  I can’t wait to see what the next seven years hold…whatever it is, as long as our family is together, it’s going to be good   

October 2010

Happy Anniversary to us!

Zac and Sara

P.S.  Everett is doing GREAT!  I took him to the beach last week for the first time since he started walking.  He ran straight into the water, up to chest high, and screamed at me when I plucked him out.  I think we have a swimmer/surfer on our hands.  He is fearless!!!

Walk On...

Dear Friends and Family,

I’ve been remise in updating these days.  I suppose that is the sign that we now have a toddler in the house.  What little time I had before is now filled with moments of saying “no” and attempts to keep this very, very active child from maiming himself.  Ah, the joys of parenting!  Looking back, I really do wonder what filled my days when all he did was sleep?

Zac and I woke up one weekend morning a few weeks ago to find that the baby we had put to bed had been replaced by a toddler boy…yes, it happened just that quickly, and we’ve been struggling to keep up ever since.  Everett decided on Easter Sunday to start walking (officially).  He had been toddling around for a few weeks before but was only taking a step here and there.  But when we put him on the floor Easter morning, he stood right up and walked across the room, as if he’d always known how and just was choosing not to.  Now, he’s not only walking but CLIMBING too!  That accomplishment has to be credited to Kate, his physical therapist, who likes to encourage his climbing because it strengthens his somewhat weak arms.  He now stacks books to climb and grab at stuff he can’t reach otherwise, i.e. dishes on the kitchen table, lamps in the living room, water glasses in our bedroom…he’s very mischievous like that.  I’ve already had to replace our outlet covers with a different brand because he removed all of the original ones.  He is methodical and observant.  More and more I can see so many traits of Zac coming through.  Heck, I’ve watched him flip his ride-on car upside down and attempt to take all its gears out!  Like father, like son. 

At his last well check appointment, he measured at 19 lbs 12 oz and was 28 ¾ inches long.  As for that darn growth curve…he’s not on it and it is looking like it is going to be some time before he is especially with how active he has become.  But his pediatrician (who we ADORE) adjusts his age back six months instead of the 3.5 months that he was actually premature.  His argument is that Everett’s growth during his first six months of life was never “quality growth.”  It was always augmented by artificial nutrition and fortifiers, and Everett came home extremely malnourished.  So he starts Everett’s corrected age from his arrival home date, which makes perfect sense to me.  Now, if we plot his growth back six months (to a 13-month-old) he is right in the 50^th percentile.  I guess Zac and I will take what numbers we can get :-)  

As for development, he is doing so well!  His therapists confess that they never expected him to be accomplishing all the things that he is!  As an example, he started walking at 18 months, which is on the far end of normal, even for a term baby!!!  He is now eating all textures and foods, except lima beans (but who really can blame him there), is babbling ALL the time, and the “Terrible Twos” have even started up with some temper tantrums.  Our only remaining concerns at this time are a weak left arm and leg.  Just this week, our physical therapists kicked us off half of our services.  She is now only going to see us every other week, instead of every week.  And when I say “kicked off,” I kinda mean it because she had to “sell” me on the idea.  But she feels that now that Everett is walking, the things she can do with/for him are very limited…at least limited enough to only warrant two visits a month.  As she was buttering me up to agree, she said so much of his success is because Zac and I really work on the exercises she shows us.  She can tell that we do a lot of activities at home.  She feels confident that we can take that ball from here and she will check in twice a month to make sure he is still progressing as he should.  It is funny how in the beginning, I found all Everett’s appointments to be daunting, then I got accustomed to having these women with all this experience and advice right at my finger tips, and now that our time together is slowly coming to an end…I’m getting all nervous about losing my resources!!!  But it is also a positive sign that our Everett is growing up healthy :-)

As for family life at the Bollinger home, I am FINALLY working part-time.  I think Zac would say that this is a very, very good thing for everyone.  I’m actually sane again!  I work two days per week, still on nights, and those wonderful women that I mentioned in the previous update, watch Everett while I’m sleeping.  It is the perfect balance between baby time, grown up time, family time, and utilization of all that knowledge that I learned in nursing school.  We are very happy.  In March, we celebrated Everett’s 365^th day at home.  Again, more like his birthday to us that his actual emergence into the world, we celebrated with family and cake.  And this time, Everett destroyed that cake!  He ate it, flipped it, and ultimately threw it on the floor.  It was awesome!!!  Last month we made another trip to LA, for fun this time, and visited Sarah, our much-beloved nurse from CHLA.  We went to meet her new baby girl, Brooklyn.  She was adorable and Everett still loves and remembers Sarah as much as ever.  Her friendship will certainly last our lifetime (we joke that the babies will get married someday). 

Not too long ago, I read a quote on another mom’s blog that included a post about the loss of a baby diagnosed with the same condition as her son.   She said, “Happiness and sorrow are two sides of the same coin.”  This email, I’m afraid, includes just such sentiment.  As I write all the amazing and wonderful things that our Everett is doing, my heart is ever more appreciative for his life.  The reason: a dear friend of mine, who I met through the SV NICU, lost her micropreemie daughter, Juliet, just two weeks ago.  She was eight months old and never made it home.  I don’t think I ever relayed the statistics of survival for a 25 week preemie (Juliet and Everett were identical in gestation).  In fact, I know I never did because I myself never wanted to think of them.  On the day of Everett’s birth, these numbers were thrown in our faces and we always made an effort to keep them out of our minds.  Everett’s original chances for survival were 20%.  Yes, just 20%.  And with that 20% came the caveat of an even smaller chance for normalcy.  That 20% was clouded by a long list of probable chronic complications that include brain damage, blindness, developmental delays, oral aversion, Cerebral Palsy (just to name a few).  Scary numbers and even scarier stuff!  By God’s graces, Everett ended up in that 20%.  Zac and I have been naïve, thinking that all mircopreemies end up there…that all micropreemies end up surviving.  But this is not the case.  I’ve also come to realize that of those that do survive, an overwhelming majority do have major lifelong complications.  My point in bringing all this up is to really reiterate what a miracle Everett is.  I know that we ALL already know this…but with the passing of Juliet…now we really, really feel as if God gave us an amazing gift and that our Everett certainly has a specific purpose on this Earth.  For those of you with your babies still at home, hug them a little tighter, kiss them a little more often…because not all parents get to bring their babies home!  If we were grateful before, we are certainly even more grateful now.  And we pray daily for our friends during this hard, hard time.

In an effort to reach out to parents of other micropreemies, I’ve started a blog (I know, everyone has one these days).  It includes all of Everett’s updates and pictures.  My hope is that just one other set of micropreemie parents read it and get hope from it.  I’ve always tried to be honest and open about the road that we have traveled…I’ve tried to show a little glimpse of the reality, and I hope that it may someday help another family to feel understood.  The address is http://micropreemietomiracle.blogspot.com/  Please feel free to send it on to friends and family.  Like I said, if it helps just one person, then I will be happy :-)

I will never tire of people asking how Everett is doing or people telling me what an amazing gift it is to get to watch him grow up!  We thank you all for loving our family!  And we love you all right back!!!

With Love,

The Bollinger Family

This is my therapy...

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo since Everett's birth. One of my major issues while Everett was in the hospital was that to the average person, I looked like an average person. From the outside, no one would have known the struggles that we were enduring. And therefore, no one would understand why I wasn't the same person that I once was. I often said to those closest to me that it would have been easier if I had a scar on the outside...something to show the pain...then people would ask questions and understand. Well...19 months later (and two months of saying every day, "I want a tattoo") I finally got one!

This is Everett's foot print at birth. When we went to get it done, the artist said, "Do you want it actual size?" I said, "Yes" and he replied, "Then why did you shrink it?" Zac and I grinned and sweetly said, "This is actual size." You should have seen the look on the guy's face.

So here is my outward mark to the scar inside. My reminder of the journey of a lifetime. 

Growing Up and Moving On...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dear Family and Friends,

It feels like ages since I’ve updated you all on Everett.  And, I suppose, that’s actually a good sign…no news is good news, right?  Right!  So then, what is new with Everett?  Well, he’s all healed up after his latest surgery and is completely back to his old self, plus some new tricks.  His incisions have come together nicely and shouldn’t leave hardly a scar.  He really wasn’t down long at all, maybe ten days total, after the surgery.  And one huge benefit of having the hernia repair…it got him to crawl on all fours.  A side effect of him not wanting to drag his sore belly on the floor, Everett started crawling on hands and knees about six days after the surgery.  Now we can always hear him coming down the hall as he likes to slap his hands on the floor and his adorable little bottom wiggles as he moves.  He crawls like a bulldog, all shoulders with a look of determination on his face…I just LOVE it!  He’s also pulling up to standing on everything and everyone…including Jack (the dog).  And just a few days ago I saw him stand up by himself (of course he fell as soon as I started squealing with amazement), so now walking is on the horizon.  Hooray!!!

Everett’s only real setback following the surgery was some swallowing issues.  You may recall from the update I sent right after his surgery that he’d thrown up on the drive home from CHLA.  Well, that phenomenon continued for about four weeks in total.  It began as just more frequent spitting up and then progressed into full-force projectile vomiting with every meal.  I rushed Everett to his pediatrician about a week after his surgery, convinced that the intubation had done some permanent damage to his throat, but our doctor said this was Everett’s way of reacting to the surgery.  This was his form of regression.  He said to keep trying and work through it. 

In the midst of trying to “work through it,” Everett came down with a bad cold.  We ended up rushing him back to the pediatrician again where he was diagnosed with RSV.  For any preemie parent, those three letters carry HUGE red flags and are cause for pushing the panic button.  From day one in the NICU, we were told to be very leery of RSV exposure as it can be fatal to former preemies.  Last RSV season, Everett received vaccines to protect against the virus.  This year, due to insurance policy protocols, he didn’t qualify…each vaccine costs $2,000!  Needless to say, I had a freak out moment when the pediatrician said RSV.  But he assured us that Everett was old enough and healthy enough to recover without needing to be placed in the hospital.  For a week straight, we saw the doctor every other day.  Everett’s vomiting continued and he had two two-day stretches of keeping nothing (not food or formula) down.  He lost an entire pound.  He spiked high fevers, had a runny nose, and bad cough.  But, we stayed out of the hospital!!!  He’s recovered now.  He gained back all the weight he lost plus some more.  Zac and I are counting our blessing that this was Everett’s first real illness since he’s been home.  Sure, we’ve had the occasional stuffy nose, but never the high fevers, throwing up, hacking cough, sleep on the floor of his room type illness.  And with him being home for 11 months now, I think that’s pretty darn good!  I must give credit for Everett’s health to his caregivers who watch him regularly; Haley (who I babysat growing up), Sheri (friend of the family), my sisters-in-law, Monica and Alyssa and Sarah (friend from nursing school).  These women have been so dedicated to watching Everett not only on the days that I need to sleep after work, but also when I need some “alone time” too.  They have allowed us to keep Everett out of daycare and therefore, have helped keep him healthy for these 11 months.  We are SO thankful and blessed to have each of them in our lives and Everett just adores them all!!!  Thank you ladies!!!

As for Everett’s swallowing, which even after the RSV, I still felt was an area of concern; our pediatrician told me that I just wasn’t feeding Everett tasty enough food for him to want to swallow.  I’d never heard of such a thing and I really questioned if he knew what he was talking about (my apologies, as I know his wife will be reading this).  BUT, much to my surprise, I made Everett chicken strips covered in salsa, and guess what…the kid chewed and swallowed every last bite!  Everett doesn’t have swallowing issues…he’s just a picky eater.  With that in mind, he’s now eating chicken, beans, rice, eggs, pancakes, waffles, pasta, cottage cheese, string cheese, chocolate pudding, French fries, and crackers.  He’s also starting to master the sippy cup!  He eats three solid meals a day with three whole milk bottles in between plus snacks here and there.  He’s got some catching up to do with the fine motor skills with his hands, as he doesn’t pincher grasp (bringing his thumb and pointer finger together) or point, but this is because we had to delay solid food due to his gagging and choking.  We are working hard with his therapists and I’m sure he will get these new skills down soon.  As for the rest of him, he’s saying “Mama,” “Dada, “Hi,” “Hey,” “Yeah” and the occasional imitated word here and there.  I could swear he even said Jack the other day, but I haven’t heard it since.  He cut five new teeth last week, is still taking two naps a day (thank goodness), and can destroy our living room in 30 seconds flat.  Watching him grow is bittersweet.  I love seeing all the new things he can do, but gosh, I miss that true baby phase.  I can see why couples end up trying to get pregnant again around this time…’cause really your baby has become a toddler.  NOT that Zac and I are thinking of going down that road ANY time soon :-)  We are just enjoying our little miracle and that makes life interesting enough. 

And speaking of miracles, I think Everett’s reached the stage where strangers notice how small he is once they hear his age.  The conversation usually goes something like this, “How old is your baby?” “Sixteen months.” “Oh…(long pause as they size him up)…he’s so petite (or some word to that effect)” And from there they usually question if he’s walking, talking etc, which usually begs the question of why he isn’t doing any of those things.  The interesting part of this is that I think I’ve healed enough now that I don’t always tell the story of Everett’s birth or what has made Everett who he is.  I’ve come to realize that that is Everett’s past, and while it is a part of who he is, it does not define who he is.  As a family, we are always going to be challenged to not treat Everett like he is still sick.  My tendencies are still conservative…we already got our miracle and I don’t want to mess it up.  I definitely coddle him more that most moms, I am reluctant to push him too far, and the thought of public germs still scares me to my core.  But I know that this practice has to end and that Everett needs to grow up understanding that he is healthy.  I’m trying to train my mind too to understand that he is a well child.  Thankfully, I have the help of his therapists (who make him play in dirt), friends (who tell me to lighten up), and family (who tell me when I’m overreacting) to keep me in line.  As a family, we appreciate each of Everett’s little accomplishments.  Simple things like climbing on the couch, taking his pacifier in and out of his mouth, giggles and smiles are all HUGE milestones for us.  We appreciate them a little bit more than most.  And in this we’ve found that Everett’s growing up gets to take a little longer…which is no complaint for us.  But for the most part, we are making a concerted effort to treat Everett like any other child. 

I never thought I’d get to the day when I wasn’t explaining Everett to total strangers…but here I am.  And while I’m sure some of you might think, “She’s still healing from this experience?  Her son is well…so what’s she still griping about?”  If there is one thing I’ve learned, it is that the wounds Zac and I carry run deep.  And while they are healing, I don’t think they’re really ever going to close.  We are not the same people we once were (probably true of any first-time parent), we’ve weathered the worst storm of our lives at only 29 years old, we aren’t naïve to the realities of life anymore.  Growing up is hard…and painful at times…and Zac and I grew up exponentially in the past 16 months.  But ask me if I would have it any other way…for Everett’s sake…perhaps.  But for the wonderful benefits and gifts it has brought to Zac and I…never. 

I will close with saying that March 16, 2011 will mark Everett’s first year home.  For Zac and I, we look on this date more as Everett’s birthday, than the actual date he came into the world.  Zac even asked if we could legally change his birth date to March (you can’t, by the way).  So you can understand our anticipation and excitement to mark this HUGE occasion of 365 days at home :-)

With Love,

The Bollinger Family

P.S. Pictures attached, as always

Christmas-time Blessings...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

A special thanks to all of you, Everett’s prayer warriors, for once again carrying Everett in your hearts and minds during this past week.  Everett’s surgery went very well…so well that he was discharged from the recovery room a mere hour after getting out of the Operating Room.  His surgeon, Dr. G, once again performed a successful surgery and we had him home and in bed by 8pm. 

We arrived at CHLA at 5:45am and checked in with the admitting desk.  As fate would have it, the woman admitting Everett was the same woman who admitted him last year…and she remembered us!  I could hardly believe it!  I always continue to be shocked by the small, personal happenings at this hugely large hospital.  From there we went on to the Surgical Admitting department where Everett was examined, weighed (he weighs 17 lbs 10 oz), measured (he is 27 ¾ inches tall), and updated them on Everett progress since he’s been home.  One BIG blessing about returning to CHLA is not needing to explain his medical history to any of the medical staff.  The hospital has computerized charting so everything from his 4 ½ months in the hospital is readily accessible.  That is a small convenience for a mom who is tired of having to relive Everett’s long medical journey every time we meet a new doctor or therapist.  After that, we changed Everett into his adorable surgical pajamas and waited to be taken up to the day surgery department.  While waiting, another man, whose job it was to clean the waiting room, came up and said he remembered us and our son, Everett (oh yes, he remembered his name).  Another amazing coincidence!  He “Oooood” and “Aaahhd” about how wonderfully strong Everett looked and said he hoped he wouldn’t be seeing us again.  We said we felt the same way.  From there we were taken up to the day surgical unit by yet another familiar face.  This time, it was the same man who escorted us around for both of Everett’s previous surgeries.  I am convinced God put these people in our paths that day for a reason…to make us feel at ease and give us confidence about the procedure.

After arriving in the day surgical unit, Everett was pre-medicated with a drug called Versed.  It may sound familiar to some of you as it is used routinely in colonoscopies and has the wonderful effect of amnesia.  About five minutes after getting his dose, Everett was high as a kite!  He was lying on his back, looking at his pacifier with crossed eyes, going “Aaaahhhhh, ahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhh” and was pulling his shirt up over his head.  Every woman who came to his bedside quickly had their sleeve attacked as he tried to pull them closer to him.  He is already a flirt and that Versed just made him even more so.  It was pretty cute!!!  Zac and I couldn’t help but laugh at him (as we videotaped the whole thing).  A few minutes later his surgeon came to his bedside to consent us for his surgery.  She explained the procedure for his hernia repair and then turned to the issue of his scar.  After looking at it, she told us she thought she could only improve its appearance by 15%.  And in order to do that, she would have to not only cut the skin, but also several layers of tissue underneath to get it to lay right.  In her professional opinion, she felt it wasn’t worth putting Everett through, especially after everything he’s already endured.  She was also concerned about the stress for him to have possible bilateral hernia repairs along with a six inch abdominal incision.  After some discussion, Zac and I opted not to do it.  I must admit, I was a little disappointed at first.  But after some reflective thought, I’ve realized that that scar is as much a part of Everett as is his heart, and who are we to determine how he displays his “war wounds.”  It would almost be like removing a part of who he is.  So, until Everett expresses some desire to change it, the scar stays untouched. 

Around 10am, Everett was taken to surgery and Zac and I returned to our spots in the waiting room, with my parents and Zac’s mom at our sides.  Old habits die hard and for each of us, we fell easily into the old habits of the things we did during Everett’s previous surgeries.  We ate McDonalds, my mom and I got Italian Sodas (a treat we only get at CHLA), we sat in almost the same exact seats, watched the exact same shows on TV…like I said, old habits die hard.  After about an hour, Zac and I were called again to the surgery waiting room to talk with Everett’s surgeon.  Carrying with the theme of habits, we were lead to the same room where we first received the news that Everett had an overwhelming bowel infection one year before.  Again…a day of coincidences!  When Dr. G walked in she said, “Well, we changed the plan just a little bit.”  And then she laughed because stuff like that is so typically Everett.  He never follows the rules.  Dr. G was successful in fixing Everett’s very large left hernia, but she also found the surprise of an undiagnosed un-descended testicle!  My response was, “Huh?” as my mind was thinking, “After all the poking and prodding this kid has had, how could this be!”  Everett will probably be mad at me someday for sharing this information with you, but his testicles have always been a topic of discussion with his doctors.  Last year, when Everett was transferred to CHLA, we arrived after he’d already been examined and the first question out of the doctor’s mouth at that time was, “Do you know if he has testicles?”  So needless to say, they’ve been elusive.  Before leaving CHLA, both of them were located via ultrasound, so we knew he at least had them.  But as far as if they were where they belonged…no one ever told us.  Dr. G said it had been missed because his hernia was so large that it was actually protruding into his scrotum, and so what each doctor felt and assumed was a testicle was actually bowel.  She had to do some looking, but she eventually found it and sutured it into the right place.  His right testicle, she’s fairly confident, is where is should be.  As far as the right hernia, she still isn’t sure if he has one.  She attempted to look at that side with a small camera, but his tissue wasn’t cooperating, so our plan is to watch him for signs of it.  If he ends up developing one, it will be back to the operating room again.  Let’s pray that doesn’t ever happen!

His incision is 1 ½ inches in the lower left quadrant of his abdomen.  She closed it with Dermabond (surgical super glue) and it shouldn’t leave too much of a scar.  As for his man parts…well, they are black and blue and have a 1 inch incision on them too.  Poor kid!  It makes diaper changing pretty interesting.  But we are SO thankful that the un-descended testicle was discovered.  Had we waited to have this surgery done, Everett would have been at risk for testicular cancer and infertility when he got older.  We are thankful that God guided Dr. G in solving this issue!  After one hour in the recovery room, and 8 oz of apple juice, we were allowed to take Everett home.  Dr. G said she felt we’d have an easier time getting him home while he was still tired from the anesthesia rather than keeping him overnight and taking him home the next day, fully conscious and sore.  So we loaded him into the car and said goodbye to CHLA for (hopefully) the last time :-) 

Everett is feeling well.  He did have some issues keeping down food the day of surgery, but today he’s eating fine, pooping, and is almost back to his old self.  He’s happy, giggly, but just a little more tired than usual (not that I’m complaining).  He also isn’t crawling very much, as he usually crawls with his belly on the floor.  But as he heals, this skill will come back.  Or maybe he’ll just go on to walking :-)  We are praising God for providing, yet again, the answers to our prayers.  We are so proud of our Everett who continues to amaze us as he takes life’s challenges in stride.  He is so brave and strong!!!  And we are relieved to have this surgery behind us.  We thank you for your prayers on his behalf.  God listens!!! 

Now we are looking forward to celebrating Everett’s Second, First Christmas and experiencing some of the moments we have spent many hours longing for.  With that being said, I will conclude by saying…in this season of miracles, may you always have hope.

With Love,

The Bollinger Family

P.S.  The attached pictures are of before (the flirt) and after (the sleepy boy) surgery. 

CHLA Bound...

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

Happy December to all of you!  I hope your Thanksgiving holiday was full of family, togetherness, and a multitude of blessings.  We spent our holiday at my parents' house, celebrating and giving thanks for Everett and for our family.  It was a wonderful day…one that last year, we thought we might never get to enjoy.  I searched high and low for a special outfit for Everett to wear and I finally found the PERFECT one.  A picture is attached and as you will see, his shirt reads “Everyone Is Thankful For Me” :-)  Yes, we are thankful for our precious Everett and for all the blessings and answered prayers we’ve received over this past year.  We are so blessed!!!

Now that we’ve come into December, our focus has shifted toward Everett’s upcoming surgery, which is scheduled for Wednesday, December 15^th at 7am.  We will be the first case of the day because Everett will likely be their youngest patient.  The procedure will take anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours depending upon whether the surgeon revises his scar.  After that, he will be transferred to the Recovery Room and then onto the Med/Surg unit for an overnight stay.  I plan to stay the night with him in the hospital (something neither Zac nor I were ever given the opportunity to do in the NICU).  If all goes according to plan, we will head home on Thursday afternoon, after he is discharged. 

So how are Zac and I feeling about this surgery?  In a word…TERRIFIED!  You’d think we’d be old-pros at this surgery thing, but it seems that the more we undergo, the more we realize the huge risks involved and thus the more nervous we get.  In my quiet moments, I often wonder if we’ve already used up our “quota” for blessings and sometimes I feel like there is no way we will get so lucky again.  The fact that Everett has done so well since his second surgery and discharge is truly a miracle.  I’m sure part of that feeling is related to this time last year, when our journey took a dramatic turn for the worse (actually, Everett’s first surgery took place a year ago tomorrow) and is also part of the PTSD that I know Zac and I are suffering from.  I guess we are always wondering if the other shoe is going to drop (because it did when we least expected it).  So, as I’m sure most NICU parents do, we’ve taken the “hope for the best, prepare for the worst” approach.  There is palpable tension in our house.  I can feel all my emotions from being at CHLA creeping back into my heart.  What can I say…I’m ready for a fight…because the last time we were there, I had to fight for Everett’s life.  But, when these emotions take over, I try to remind myself that things are so different now, that Everett is healthy and that what happened before was our past and will not dictate our future.  But of course having Everett at home this time makes handing him over to the surgeons that much harder.  Lord, give me the strength!!!   

Zac and I are also trying to cope with the fact that taking Everett back to CHLA goes entirely against every parental instinct we have.  We’ve been working so hard for these past nine months, since Everett’s been home, to keep him out of the hospital.  We’ve found the balance between socializing and health, normalcy and caution.  We take GREAT pride in the fact that we’ve been able to keep our precious boy so healthy.  And now to take him back, to put him through surgery, it really just tears at our hearts.  But all this is the emotional side of things, and the rational side tells us that we have to do this, that this surgery will make him even healthier.  And so we go back and forth all day…our brains are like a circus of emotions.  We haven’t even had the surgery yet and we are already exhausted from it! 

We have cancelled Everett’s therapy for six weeks following the surgery.  This will allow his body to rest and heal.  Once his therapy starts up again, we expect Everett to have regressed a little in his development.  For instance, he might not crawl or sleep through the night or babble as much.  But this is a common reaction to stress in children.  His therapists assure us that given enough time to process everything, Everett will return to his normal self.  Again, it is hard for Zac and I to have this surgery knowing that this will cause Everett more setbacks, especially after he has worked so hard to acquire every skill that he has, but again, we repeat to ourselves that this will make him healthier. 

In this week before his surgery, I ask you, Everett’s prayer warriors, to include Everett in your prayers.  Most specifically, can you pray for (I know this list is long…but it includes everything):

1.       For a complication-free surgery and recovery

2.       For no side effects (specifically oral aversion) from Everett’s intubation

3.       For adequate pain management

4.       That Everett will quickly return to his happy, giggly self

5.       That Everett will not remember any of this experience

6.       For our parents, who worry just as much, if not MORE, than we do.  Help them to know our family will be okay, no matter what life throws at us, as long as we have each other

7.       For Zac and I to know that we are making the right decisions for Everett

8.       Give thanks for Everett’s health, answered prayers, and Christmas-time blessings

Our thanks go out to each of you!  Your prayers work miracles and Zac and I feel more confident knowing that you are all standing beside us in prayer.  I know it is a busy time of year and that all of you are concerned with your own families and holiday plans, but please know that we are touched that you take time out of your day to think of our son.  We continue to be humbled by your love and steadfastness :-)

With Love,

The Bollinger Family

Our family refers to this as Everett’s prayer :-)

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me; for my soul trusteth in yee; yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.  PSALM 57:1

Second, First Holidays, Crawling, and Surgery...Oh My!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

Who knew that being a parent would be THIS MUCH FUN?  Well, probably all of you out there who are already parents.  But for Zac and me, we had no idea…and I now often find myself saying, “If I’d known it was going to be this great, I wouldn’t have waited so long!”  Ah, we are enjoying our little Everett, our little family, and our day-to-day lives together.  And with the holidays quickly approaching, we are excitedly anticipating celebrating Everett’s second, first holidays (we’ve decided not to really count the ones he spent in the hospital).  For the sake of comparison, this time last year, Everett weighed 2 lbs. 5 oz. and was 13 ½ inches long.  This year, he’s measuring 16 lbs. 7 oz. and is 26 ¾ inches long.  Now that’s some growth!!!  He still isn’t on the growth charts (it seems they keep growing just as much as he grows) but he’s on a good angle on the chart, not too steep and not too shallow, so we’re happy with his “less that 5^th percentile” label :-)  

‘Lil E is crawling!!!  Granted, it is still an army crawl…but he is able to propel himself forward instead of rolling everywhere so it defiantly counts.  And now he’s into EVERYTHING!  Books, toys, dog food, rugs, laundry, electronics…nothing is safe from his reach.  He’s getting pretty fast at it too.  And the thing that he loves to crawl for the most…big brother Jack (the dog).  He is quite taken with him and will follow him anywhere (in fact, we joke that Everett probably thinks he’s a dog).  He loves to “pet” him, pull him, attempt to eat his ears, and steals his toys constantly.  Jack takes the abuse without a growl, nip, or whine, but moves to the other side of the room as soon as an opportunity presents itself.  The two of them are adorable to watch.  I keep telling Jack, “Give Everett two years and he’ll be your best friend.”  I don’t think he believes me :-)

‘Lil E is eating!!!  Finally, finally, finally he is able to eat the Gerber puffs, biter biscuits and various baby friendly foods without choking, gagging or throwing up.  Whew!  Now I can cross that worry off my list :-)  Shortly after his birthday, Everett was suddenly able to tolerate finger foods.  He’s chewing, thanks to his new two front teeth, and is swallowing just fine.  His birthday cake wasn’t a hit…what can I say, this kid just doesn’t like sugar.  He didn’t want the frosting or the cake, but he put up with the ice cream.  Let’s hope his preference for foods lasts into adulthood. 

Tri-Counties Regional Center completed their evaluation of his gestation (actual) and corrected ages last month.  We are happy to report that in the areas of cognition, language, and speech, Everett is testing at his actual (12 month) age!  This is a great accomplishment for him and just reassures us that his beautiful brain is functioning properly.  In the areas of gross and fine motor skills, he tested at his adjusted (8 month) age.  This is also a great accomplishment as typically children that spend the amount of time Everett did lying in a hospital crib are delayed beyond their adjusted age.  In the area of feeding, Everett tested at 6 months, mainly because of his inability to handle solid food textures.  But with him now tolerating the puffs, crackers, etc., he’s moved up to the 8 month bracket.  I wasn’t aware at the time, but in order to qualify for Tri-Counties, the child must test at 33% below their CORRECTED age.  Had the therapists told me this at the time, I probably would have freaked out.  But now, Everett tests at less than 20% below his ACTUAL age.  In just six short months, he’s made such progress.  We are SO proud of him!!!  The goal is for him to adjust to his actual age by his second birthday.  If he accomplishes this goal, therapy will no longer be necessary :-)  

We’ve been to CHLA several times this past month for follow-up exams.  The first was with the Eye Surgeon who attended Everett while he was in the NICU.  We chose to return to CHLA for a second opinion about his Retinopathy of Prematurity.  And the news to report…Everett has no active ROP!!!  He tells us that it is completely regressed and that invasive retinal exams are no longer required…WOOHOO!  Having held my screaming child through four of those exams, I’m thankful to never have to comfort him through another one.  Everett will just be followed by a regular eye doctor from this point forward. 

Our second trip to CHLA was for a follow-up surgery appointment.  The surgeon wanted to check on his progress and growth and we wanted to discuss his bilateral hernias and scar.  The surgeon checked him over and said his abdomen has healed properly.  His growth is appropriate and proportional so we have nothing to worry about there.  But then he checked his hernias and determined that they are “very, very large.”  Not to be graphic (but remember, I’m a nurse), the surgeon was able to stuck his thumb through his left one…OUCH!  That’s a BIG hernia on a little person.  The hernia on the right is likely around the same size, although the surgeon couldn’t feel that one as well.  So…what does all this mean?  We return to CHLA for hernia repairs on Wednesday, December 15, 2010.  In an odd coincidence, the first surgery date they offered was December 8^th, which you may recall was the date of Everett’s first surgery last year.  I quickly asked if they had a different date available…not that I’m superstitious, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it that day.  As for his scar, which we would like to have revised at the same time, the surgeon said he’ll have to wait-and-see the day of surgery.  If the hernias take too long to repair, they won’t be able to do the scar as they don’t want Everett under anesthesia for too long.  But if they have the opportunity, he’s happy to do it for us.  Everett will remain in the hospital overnight, per my request (usually this procedure is done outpatient) because we live so far away should something happen, and then he will be discharged on Thursday afternoon. 

After all we’ve been through, Zac and I are oddly amused at the thought of seeing CHLA all decorated for Christmas again.  It is almost surreal.  Never in a million years did we think we’d be back there.  But this time…Everett’s coming right home.  We’re nervous but place our faith in God and the hands of the surgeons to take great care of our little boy.  This is the final step in a long journey toward healing and strange as it may sound, Zac and I are ready to take it! 

I hope this email finds all of you, Everett’s prayer warriors, well.  May we wish you an early Happy Thanksgiving!  We have so much to be thankful for this year with our healthy son, happy marriage, strong family, and caring friends.  We give thanks and praise to God for his blessings and his gifts.  And we give thanks and praise to each of you who continues to pray for our family.  We love you so much and hope that you have equally as many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

With Love,

The Bollinger Family

P.S. Pictures are attached.  The first is of Everett’s First Halloween, the second is of Everett’s Second, First Halloween (with the SAME HAT in both pictures), the third is from his birthday, and the fourth of our Pumpkin Baby (courtesy of our incredible photographer friend, Ashley Beem).  Enjoy!!!